i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
