woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
