Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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