Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
