She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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