you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
