I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
