Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
