You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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