apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
