Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
