Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
