if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
