Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
