Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
