meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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