she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
