I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
