Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
