Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
