Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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