Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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