Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
