Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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