she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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