U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
