I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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