im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
