Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
