Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
