Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
