Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
