I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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