Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
