Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
