Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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