Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
