I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
