i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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