Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
