I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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