My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
