he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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