Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
