I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
