Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
