standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
