So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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