that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
