omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
