Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
